Searching for Peace

Photo by: Joshua Earle

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4: 6-7 NIV

I woke up this morning praying for the peace that is described in Philippians 4.   I feel that I am at a time in my life that my soul, my spirit, seeks rest. Rest from the constant friction and disarray in my thoughts.  I want that wholeheartedly.  I am turning to a new page in my desires. And I want to keep the book on that page for just a moment longer.

"What does this look like?"…I ask myself.

"How does one go about finding that peace this is indescribable, yet lingers in one’s spirit like a soothing balm?"

And then I think, "What is my motivation?"

You see, I have this funny way of sometimes looking at something from two angles simultaneously.  I think along the lines of something being beneficial for me, yet still wonder about what I can get out of it as well. I don’t want those thoughts of "what is in it for me" to be the defining purpose of my prayer. That would make my petition to God full of selfish desire.  

In all honesty, I have been confused by this topic of "peace" in the past. I have always felt that I desired peace, but my actions displayed the complete opposite of it. My mind wonders and fights against all that wants to settle down. My thoughts and actions run rampant on most days. They are filled with so much speed and tenacity, that I seldom take a break for even just a few minutes.

As I am typing this, my mind also starts to wonder if my constant frenzy of movement has hindered me from receiving from God. "In what way?", I say to myself.  One example would be along the lines of when you really, really want something.  You go about it by researching, and praying, and strategizing, and just moving …all the time, all over the place.  But, time continues to past, and you still have not received that thing.  That thing, whatever it may be, becomes an enigma.

"Why is it so hard for me to achieve (fill in the blank)?"  Whether it is about relationships, money, family issues, or even a job…you find that there is some riddle or puzzle that you cannot solve staring you right in the face. So, therein lies the confusion, fear, and doubt.

I have found that years later I am still pondering this whole idea of "peace".  But now, I am finding contentment by resting in God and sitting in that space of the question.  And for me, sitting in that space means you don’t get up, you don’t move, and you don’t doubt. You just simply make room for God in your life. And you sit in the space of that question with an expectation.