Hoarding Grace

Recently, I was struggling a bit with a decision that had been made.  I did not have the ability or power to override this decision. Therefore, I struggled with reconciling it in my mind.  Deep down, I felt that punishment was due and any manner of alleviating such punishment was an injustice.  In all honesty, I was upset with the fact that I had to sit with the decision made, and had no control over the matter.

In my struggle with acceptance, I battled with feelings of anger and utter confusion.  I knew that my way of thinking about this situation was correct in spite of the way things unfolded. In my quest to find some type of resolution, I prayed about it.  Later on that evening, my eyes were opened wide to truth that lie in the matter.

Eyes Wide Open

After wrestling with this situation all day, I muttered to myself that somehow I was being reminded of a story in the Bible. It was then that the Book of Jonah popped into my mind. As I began reflecting on the story of Jonah, I chuckled a bit.  Jonah’s story provided me with a mirror, and I began to see a reflection of myself.  At that point, my feelings of anger turned to amusement. You see, sometimes God has a funny way of teaching me about myself.  He took the very decision that I was struggling to accept and showed me my error.

Let me share with you what I saw.

A Mirror Reflection

In Jonah 1:1, God provided Jonah instruction regarding the people of Ninevah. Here I saw that Jonah clearly heard the command of God regarding what he should do.  However, in spite of having this knowledge, he had to be reminded of God’s sovereignty more than once.  Through Chapters 1 and 2, Jonah experienced peril at sea, with a storm, and was also swallowed in the belly of a fish for three days.  In spite of both of those horrible experiences, in Chapter 3, he had to be given the command again regarding going to Ninevah.  Why would someone who underwent those types of experiences need such a reminder?

God began to show me the irony of this situation as He pulled the mirror closer to me. Through reading the Book of Jonah, God reminded me that sometimes I am blinded by self-righteousness.  I, like Jonah, wanted control over who would receive an extension of grace. However, God showed me that I was blinded by my need to be right. Therefore, I, like Jonah, needed a reminder through this experience regarding the necessity of grace.

In this situation, I felt so strongly that punishment was in order.  I kept asking myself, How can someone be given a pass on punishment when there was a blatant disregard for following clear instruction?  However, God soon reminded me of my own inability to comply with instruction He had provided me a few years ago.  He brought to the forefront of my mind that I too exhibited the same behavior that I had become so angered by.

I used a self-righteous approach in my analysis of the situation. I was blinded to the fact of my own past mistakes in being disobedient.

God showed me that I had no justification for being self-righteous when I too had prayed for deliverance.  Like Jonah, in Chapter 2, I prayed to God for mercy when I knew deep down that I did not deserve it.  So, if God provided me again an extension of grace when I did not deserve it, who am I to be angered by the fact that He did the same for someone else?

In Jonah 4:4, as well as Jonah 4:9, God asked Jonah if he had a right to be angry.  This questioning of God resonated with me. The mirror that God held in front of me provided a reflection. It showed me that I had no right to hoard grace. In the reflection, I saw that He had compassion for me in spite of my behavior.  He showed me that I should lessen the reins I had on controlling the outcome of this decision, and exhibit a bit of compassion instead. 

And with this situation, I learned that God wanted me to extend that same grace to others so that others may be able to see glimpses of His nature in me.  I learned that God wanted me to quiet my need to be right and rouse my need to be gracious.