Why didn’t he text me back? And other questions you may have…

Photo by: Alex Iby

The dating world can be scary, at times.  In this blog post, I want to take a look at a common problem that many single women face in the dating world…ghosting.  Now, ghosting happens when someone you date starts to contact you less, and eventually disappears without any explanation.  So, let’s look at an example...

You and a gentleman have been dating for a couple of months.  One day, he initiates a conversation with you, by sending a text message.  You respond. He then sends you another text, and you respond back.  However, after your response back to him, the path runs cold.   

So, you wait a day or so, hoping he will respond. And still…nothing.  You decide to send one more text, and wait a few more days. However, even after that additional time, you never receive a response from him.

Sound familiar?

Communication Woes

For women, communication in the dating world can be so confusing sometimes.  If you have ever been in a similar situation that I just described, your mind will fill with questions like-

How long should I wait for him to call?

Is he going to ask me out again?

Why didn’t he respond to my last text?

I have had those questions race back and forth in my mind on many occasions.  I didn’t understand what to do when the communication stopped. The lack of answers took a toll on my emotions, making me feel lost in the whole dating process.

And honestly speaking, the rules regarding who contacts who next is not as straightforward as many people make it sound. 

Some “dating experts” believe that the best approach for women to take is to mirror a man’s response in communication. 

Mirroring communication basically means you respond to his manner of communication in a similar way, reflecting his method of timing and delivery in the response.

Still other “dating experts” believe that a more modern day approach is applicable.  They suggest a woman be a bit more aggressive in her approach to win a man’s heart.  Now, this includes being assertive and not passive by stating up front, what you desire in a relationship.

Now, with all of these so called “experts” providing advice on how we, as women, should communicate with men, its no wonder that many of us are lost in this maze of advice.

That is when I start to wonder if any of these approaches actually address the truth of the matter?

Let’s take a moment now to talk about the truth of matter, and answer the  following question:

What is the best approach for women to take in dating, when waiting for a man’s response?

The Truth of the Matter

I would like to answer that question by sharing my own revelation.

As a single woman, I often forget that what I am waiting for, and analyzing is actually the wrong thing.

I have learned that waiting for and analyzing HIS RESPONSE robs me of the freedom that I have in dating. 

As a woman of value and purpose, I forget that I have options, and I fail to own those options in the dating world.

Let me explain what I mean, by further using myself as an example.

  

You see, I sometimes view myself from the standpoint of one who is trapped and waiting for Mr. Right. When someone comes along that appears to be the individual that can fill that role, I give that person the freedom to now validate who I am.

I give that person the freedom to validate who I am when I continue thinking about, and analyzing how, and when that person responds to me.

My actions also give that person the responsibility to make to feel whole.

However, this is where I have gone wrong in the process.

In thinking that my single status traps me, and that I must rush and fill the role of Mr. Right quickly, I hand over my freedom and identity to someone else.  I let another person validate who I am, and how I feel about myself.

And so, when I fail to remember that I have options, and I have the power to own those options, I fail to see the bigger picture.

So, let’s talk about this bigger picture…

The Bigger Picture

The bigger picture tells me that there is freedom in the process of dating because I GET TO CHOOSE MY RESPONSE.

And the bigger picture should tell you the same thing. 

If you are a single woman of purpose and value, who is dating with the intention of marriage, you also get to choose YOUR RESPONSE.

We, as single women of purpose and value, must digest this truth.

We get to choose OUR RESPONSE. 

Important Takeaways

Now, let’s sum up what we have talked about in three main points:

Point Number 1:

1. The freedom that you have lies dormant when you allow yourself to be validated by HIS RESPONSE. 

A man’s choice to not respond to you in no way validates who you are.  As unfortunate as it may be, not every man that you date will be as honest with you about his intentions. Therefore, remember to walk in freedom in spite of a man who chooses to disappear without explanation.  

Point Number 2:

2. Never allow HIS RESPONSE stop you from living in your truth.

Make a decision to stand in your truth.  If you truly believe that you are a woman of purpose and value, you will not allow someone’s choice in response diminish your self-esteem. Your value and worth are your truth and should never be attached to someone else’s opinion of you.

Point Number 3:

3. Remember to remain centered in who God created you to be. 

 I urge you to read Psalm 139:14 (NIV):

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I encourage you to meditate on the words of Psalm 139:14.

And lastly, always remember…

Live in truth. Live in freedom.