Love to Love Me-Part III

Photo by: Thought Catalog

Hello Single Mavens!

Welcome to Love to Love Me-Part III!  This is the last blog post in the Love to Love Me series which focuses on marriage and dating.

As we have been discussing, the Love to Love Me blog posts are geared towards helping singles discover ways to have a better relationship with themselves before marriage. 

In Love to Love Me-Part III, we will talk the role that fear plays in our ability to love ourselves, as well as our ability to be content in our single status.  In addition, we will also look at three specific action steps. These three action steps will show us how to start confronting our fears regarding our single status, as well as prospects regarding marriage.  

Anchored in Love

I John 4: 18 reads:

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

As a single, you must digest this one simple truth: 

There is no fear in love, because perfect love casts out fear.

I John 4:18 tells us that fear is the opposite of love.  Fear is the antagonist of our future. Fear is the bully that seeks to rob our hope and our God given desires.

In my own life, I did not digest the truth of I John 4: 18. I failed to realize the magnitude of God’s love for me. However, an encounter with God on August 3, 2014 forever changed my life in that regard. I share this with readers in my book.   

I realized on that day that God’s love continually pursued me in spite of my relationship status. God’s love continued to pursue my wellbeing, in spite of my singleness. 

And that is what I urge you to discover for yourself. As a single person, you need to take the perspective that you are not a victim because you are single.  

You must remember that fear is an illusion that deceives you.

Now, let’s look at three action steps we can take to confront these fears regarding our single status, as well as marriage prospects.  

Action Step #1

1.    Stop doubting God and His ability to hear you.

Fear often begs to have a front seat and convince you that the worse outcome actually will happen. Fear challenges your belief in God.  You must affirm your belief in God and in His character.  If you are praying for marriage and companionship, you have to believe in what you are praying for.  

It may sound simple, but this action step is critical in your ability to move forward even after marriage.

James 1: 6-8 speaks directly to this:

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

If you don’t believe that God wants the best for you, and you waver in your prayer requests, you are not truly ready to be a recipient of what you pray for.

Action Step #2

2.    Stop letting fear control your thinking because you can not control your outcome.

The central catalyst in fear is often control. Many times, as a single, you become irritated and upset by the fact that you lack control in your circumstances. I am the first to admit that these thoughts of despair lead to sleepless nights because I struggled with questions that I had no answers to.

However, you must remember that there is value in being patient and waiting for God’s timing.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 are powerful memory verses. I repeat these verses on a regular basis when am struggling with wanting to control the outcome of my situation.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

When you are struggling with the “why” of your singleness, meditate on Proverbs 3: 5-6. Meditating on those verses will get you in the habit of releasing the fear that seeks to rob you of the freedom you could be living in.

Action Step #3

3.    Stop denying your power of choice.

It is important not to expend valuable energy trying to control the outcome of your single status.

For years, I imprisoned my mind, not realizing that I had the power of choice.

I had the power of choice,

#1: in my attitude about my singleness,

#2: in my perspective regarding my singleness,  

#3: in my ability to prepare for marriage.

And you do as well. You have the power of choice regarding your attitude about your singleness, your perspective regarding your singleness, as well as your ability to prepare for marriage. 

The Power of Choice is important for you to think about because it determines how you progress in your single status. As a single individual, you must utilize your power to make proactive and wise choices.

This requires you to change how you speak about yourself and your single status.  Choosing to affirm yourself changes how you progress in your single status.  Believing that you are in a transition to meet Mr. Right changes how you go about making decisions.

Shifting your perspective to a “yes” mindset opens doors of opportunity for growth while in the transition. The decisions that you start to make as a result will better prepare you for future marriage.