Satisficing

Photo by: Niada Cradle Photography

     Ok single mavens, let’s continue our discussion regarding marriage.  In the last blog post, Single, Not Alone, I discussed the concept of maximizing your singleness in a message by Pastor Michael Todd, from Transformation Church.  In this blog post, I would like to challenge our perspective regarding singleness and marriage a bit more.  I would like to explore a connection between the strategy one uses to make decisions in life, and the choices made while dating.

What is Satisficing?

     Recently, I was listening to an audiobook, and stumbled upon a new concept that I had never heard before…“satisficing”.  Satisficing is a strategy used in decision-making that requires an individual to pre-select the criteria needed to be satisfied with their decision. (Nicholson, 2012) This criteria must be chosen before the person starts evaluating his or her choices in making that particular decision.  In using the strategy of satisficing, you essentially make a prior decision regarding the minimum criteria needed for you to be satisfied with your choice.

 

     So, let’s apply this strategy to your dating world.  You would make a list of the five core character traits that you desire in a mate. These are essentially the non-negotiables, the characteristics that you must have to be content with your mate. Thereby, these five traits would reflect characteristics that would make you, at minimum, satisfied with your choice.  You would then compare your list to your current dating partner.  Does he or she have those five core character traits? 

     Now, at first glance, this may look a bit elementary. It may even be similar to a concept that you have heard of before. However, in speaking with a friend recently, she shared a similar approach in her previous dating life that worked for her. Let me share with you what I discovered.

Maximizing v. Satisficing

     In conversations with her, my friend relayed that she was dating a few individuals that she would have been okay in marrying. As I listened to her convey additional detail about her experiences, I noticed two interesting things. 

1.  She had a few individuals that she was dating at the same time.

2.  Those individuals all somehow fit the criteria of a potential marriage partner for her.

    

     I discovered that her dating approach was grounded in being both optimistic and realistic at the same time.  I noticed that she allowed room for potential exploration, while at the same time honing in on what it was that she was willing to accept and move forward with. But when I compared her approach to mine I saw a stark difference.

     When I evaluate the choices that I may have, I somehow compare all of my options against each other. However, my friend took the opposite approach. I found that when she was evaluating her choices, she didn’t compare them against each other, she compared them to her list of non-negotiables.  The approach she used ultimately streamlined the process of dating for her.

     Taking the satisficing approach eliminates your need for maximizing in every category when it comes to finding a potential mate. Therefore, at its core, satisficing provides a foundation for you to build upon.  You are using a list of criteria that you specify as essential in a potential mate. In addition, using the method of satisficing eliminates the dreaded “analysis paralysis”, and second-guessing that many times proves unproductive in the end.

     So, in thinking about this, how could singles use the concept of satisficing while dating? 

     Would learning to satisfice more in life lead to better outcomes in our future relationships?

     Have you ever used the strategy of satisficing in other areas of your life?  If so, what were the results?

     I would love to hear what you think about this topic.  Feel free to share your thoughts, so that we may continue our conversation.

Source:

(Nicholson, Jeremy. Maximize Your Chances of Picking a Satisfying Partner. 2012. Psychology Today.)